How to Receive Feedback (Without the Anxiety)

We've all been there. You see that Slack message pop up: "Hey, do you have a minute? “I have questions on your report."

Cue the voices in your head. Your stomach drops. It's like getting called to the principal's office, and if you're like me, that was never a good sign.

Here's the thing, though: most of us have been conditioned to think feedback equals bad news. If someone's giving you feedback, something must have gone wrong, right?

But I want to reassure you that it doesn't have to be that way. Today, we're flipping the script on feedback. What if feedback wasn't the enemy? What if it's actually one of the most valuable tools you have for leveling up in your career?

Today we're not just talking about surviving feedback; we're talking about seeking it out. (Yes, really.)

Why Feedback Is Your Friend (Really)

Look, I get it. Feedback can feel personal. It can feel like criticism. It can feel mean.

But what if you changed your mindset and looked at it as something useful and worthwhile? Here's the truth: feedback is a growth opportunity. It's a way to do things differently or better. You know that old expression, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome"? Without feedback, that's exactly what you're doing.

Think about the leaders you admire. The ones who seem to have it all figured out. I guarantee one of their key traits is being open to feedback. They actively seek it out. They don't run from it.

Regular feedback helps you identify the steps you need to take to progress in your career. It helps you recognize where you can excel and differentiate yourself. According to a PwC survey, 60% of employees said that the feedback they received at work helped them achieve their career goals.

If you need more reason to welcome feedback, here it is: it demonstrates initiative, self-awareness, and a commitment to growth. Those are the qualities that get you noticed, promoted, and trusted with bigger responsibilities.

So let's talk about how to get better at this.

Part 1: How to RECEIVE Feedback

The Mindset Shift

Before we get tactical, we need to talk about mindset. Because if your brain is in defense mode, none of the tactics matter.

When receiving feedback, adopt these three mindsets:

1. Growth mindset vs. fixed mindset
A growth mindset means you're open to feedback, curious about what could be different, and willing to embrace challenges. A fixed mindset keeps you stuck where you are, content with the status quo. Which one sounds like someone on their way up?

2. It's about behavior, not your worth as a human
This is critical. When someone gives you feedback about a presentation you gave or how you handled a situation, they're commenting on specific actions,  not on whether you're a good person. Separate the behavior from your identity.

3. Even bad feedback has useful information
Sometimes feedback is poorly delivered. Sometimes it's vague or feels off-base. There's still gold in there if you're willing to dig for it.

The 5 R's Framework

This framework will become your best friend when feedback comes your way. Let's break it down:

1. Request
We'll talk more about this in Part 2, but know this: the best feedback often comes when you ask for it, not when it's thrust upon you.

2. Receive
When someone is giving you feedback, resist every urge to defend, explain, or deflect immediately. I know that's hard. Your brain wants to jump in with "But I did that because..." or "That's not what I meant..."

Stop. Breathe. Your only job right now is to understand what they're saying. That's it.

3. Reflect
Here's your permission slip: you don't have to respond immediately, especially if the feedback stings. Take 24 hours if you need it. Ask yourself:

• What's the kernel of truth here?

• Am I seeing patterns? (Is this the third person who's mentioned this?)

• What would change if I took this seriously?

4. Respond
After you've had time to process, circle back. Thank them, even if it hurt to hear. Share what you're taking away from the conversation. If something's still unclear, now's the time to ask clarifying questions.

5. Resolve
This is where most people drop the ball. Create an actual action plan. What are you going to do differently? Then, and this is key, follow up. Let them know you heard them and you're working on it. That's how you build trust and credibility.

Skills in Action

Let's get practical. Here's what good feedback reception actually looks like:

Active listening: Listen to understand, not to formulate your defense. Your response can wait.

Clarifying questions: Don't leave the conversation confused. Ask things like:

• "Can you give me a specific example?"

• "What would success look like in that situation?"

• "How often have you noticed this?"

Paraphrasing: Confirm you've understood correctly. "So what I'm hearing is that when I jump in during meetings, it makes others feel like their ideas aren't valued. Is that right?"

Managing your defensiveness: Notice when you're getting triggered. That tight feeling in your chest? The urge to interrupt? That's your cue to slow down, breathe, and remember: if you're triggered, there's probably something important to learn here.

When Feedback Feels Unfair

Let's be real, sometimes feedback IS off-base. Sometimes it's poorly delivered. Sometimes the person giving it has their own agenda or blind spots.

You can still extract value. Ask yourself, "What made them see it that way?" Even if their conclusion is wrong, their perception tells you something about how you're coming across.

Here's the rule: You don't have to accept all feedback, but you should consider all feedback. There's a difference.

Part 2: How to ASK for Feedback

Now we're getting into advanced territory. This is where you shift from reactive to proactive.

Why Seek It Out?

Think about it: when's the last time you got really helpful, thoughtful feedback that wasn't part of a formal review? Probably when you specifically asked for it.

Here's why asking for feedback is a power move:

• You don't wait for annual reviews or "we need to talk" moments

• It shows confidence and a growth mindset (the kind of thing that gets you noticed)

• You control the timing and topic

• People give better, more thoughtful feedback when you initiate the conversation

When to Ask

Timing matters. The best times to ask for feedback:

• Right after a big project, presentation, or meeting (while it's fresh)

• When you're actively working on developing a specific skill

• During regular check-ins with your manager (aim for monthly if possible)

• When you've made changes based on previous feedback (shows you're serious)

When NOT to ask:

• When emotions are running high

• In the middle of a crisis

• When the other person is clearly swamped or stressed

How to Ask (Make It Easy for Them)

Here's where most people mess up. They ask questions that are too vague.

Bad: "Do you have any feedback for me?"
This invites a generic "Nope, you're doing great!" which helps exactly no one.

Good:

• "How did that client presentation land? What's one thing I could improve for next time?"

• "I'm working on being more concise in meetings. Did you notice any improvement this week?"

• "What's one thing I could do differently to make our collaboration smoother?"

See the difference? Specific questions get specific, useful answers.

Who to Ask

Cast a wide net:

• Your manager: Obvious choice, but remember to be specific about what you want feedback on

• Peers: They see your day-to-day work in ways your manager doesn't

• Cross-functional partners: They have a different perspective on how you collaborate

• Direct reports (if you manage people): This takes courage, but the insight is invaluable. (Preview for next week's post on giving feedback!)

After You Ask: Close the Loop

Remember those 5 R's? They apply here too. After someone gives you feedback you asked for:

• Receive it without defensiveness

• Reflect on what you heard

• Respond with thanks and your takeaways

• Resolve to make changes

Then, and this is what separates the good from the great, close the loop a few weeks later. "Hey, remember that feedback you gave me about speaking up more in meetings? I've been making an effort to contribute at least twice per meeting. Have you noticed a difference?"

That shows you're serious. That builds trust. That gets you more feedback in the future.

Your Challenge This Week

Feedback doesn't have to be scary. In fact, it's one of the fastest paths to leveling up as a leader.

So here's your challenge: Ask ONE person for specific feedback on ONE thing this week.

Make it concrete. Actually do something with what you hear. Then report back, I'd love to hear how it goes. Drop a comment or send me a DM.

Next week, we're flipping the script: How to GIVE feedback that actually lands (without the awkwardness). Because if you're going to be great at receiving feedback, you need to be equally skilled at giving it.

Until then, go seek out some feedback. Your future self will thank you.