How to Give Feedback

So you thought getting feedback was hard? (See last week’s post on getting feedback.) How do you feel about giving it?

Yeah, that's what I thought. Just as awkward, but in a different way. You don't want to be critical or hurt someone's feelings, but you're also the boss and can't just let things slide.

What if I could show you a way where it becomes less awkward for you and a growth opportunity for them? No hurt feelings, no awkwardness—just a good result.

Before the Conversation: Do your homework

You can't give good feedback if you're running on assumptions or half-remembered details. Here's how to prepare:

Gather Your Data What actually happened? Look for specifics: dates, times, emails, project outcomes, meeting notes. Who else was involved or impacted? Their perspective might matter. What's the pattern? Is this a one-time thing or the third time this month?

Example: Don't just note "Sarah's late a lot." Track it: "Project update was due Monday, delivered Wednesday. Client deck due Thursday, delivered Friday afternoon. Status report due yesterday, still waiting."

How Much Data Is Enough? You need enough to be specific, but you're not building a legal case. Two or three clear examples beats a spreadsheet of every minor infraction. If you're gathering receipts going back six months, you've probably waited too long.

Talk to Others (Carefully) If other people were involved or affected, get their perspective, but don't turn it into gossip or a pile-on. Ask: "Help me understand what happened in Tuesday's meeting from your view," not "Can you believe what Jake did?"

Example: If Jake interrupted multiple people in the team meeting, quietly check in with one of them: "I noticed the conversation got derailed when we were discussing the timeline. What was your takeaway from that?" Keep it about understanding the situation, not building your case.

Practice the Conversation Yeah, it feels weird, but it works. Say it out loud:

• "I want to talk about the pattern I'm seeing with deadlines..."

• "I noticed something in yesterday's meeting that we need to discuss..."

• "Help me understand what's getting in the way..."

If you stumble over your words in your office, you'll definitely stumble in the actual conversation. Practice helps you stay clear and calm.

The Framework: The 5 R's for Giving Feedback

1. READY Don't wing it. You've gathered your examples—now check your intent. Is this about helping them grow or venting your frustration? And timing matters: Friday at 4:55pm? Come on.

Deliver feedback as close to the event as possible so it's relevant and memorable. But if you need time to gather your thoughts or more data, acknowledge it: "Hey, we need to talk about what happened in this morning's meeting. Let's schedule time tomorrow when we're both ready."

Example: If Jake interrupted people in Monday's meeting, don't wait until Friday. Tuesday morning: "Hey, can we grab 20 minutes this afternoon? I want to talk through yesterday's meeting." Give him time to prepare, but don't let it go stale.

2. REAL Focus on behavior, not personality. Not "you have a bad attitude," but "in yesterday's meeting, you interrupted Sarah three times, and that shut down her input."

Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory: "I noticed that..." instead of "You always..."

Facts over feelings. Make it specific and actionable.

Example with Sarah's late deliverables: "The project update was due Monday and delivered Wednesday. The client deck was due Thursday and delivered Friday afternoon. I'm concerned because when deliverables come in late, it creates a cascade—the team can't move forward, clients get anxious, and we lose credibility."

NOT: "You're unreliable" or "You don't respect deadlines."

3. RESPECTFUL Consider your tone and body language. You're talking to a competent adult who wants to improve, not a child who screwed up.

And here's the key: Promote a two-way conversation. Ask questions to understand their perspective before you give your feedback. Let them do most of the talking while you listen. Guide them through questioning—help them see the issue themselves.

Example with Jake: "I want to talk about yesterday's team meeting. How do you think it went?" Let him talk. Then: "I noticed when Sarah was explaining the timeline, the conversation got redirected a few times. What was happening for you in that moment?"

4. RESOLVE Don't just tell them what went wrong—coach them to solve it themselves.

Ask: "How do you think you could have handled that differently?" or "What result were you hoping for, and what got in the way?"

Help them understand the impact—not just on them, but on the team and the project. Most people don't want to hurt others or derail progress. When they see the ripple effect, they'll own the solution.

When they solve the problem themselves, it's theirs. It won't be "she told me I had to do this"—it'll be their idea, their commitment.

Example with Sarah: "When deliverables come in late, what impact does that have on the rest of the team?" Let her work through it. Then: "What do you think is getting in the way of hitting these deadlines?" Maybe she's overloaded. Maybe she's underestimating tasks. Maybe she needs to communicate earlier when she's behind. Guide her to the solution.

Example with Jake: "When Sarah gets interrupted mid-explanation, what happens to her input?" He'll likely realize it gets lost. "What could you do differently when you have a thought but someone else is still talking?" Let him figure it out: jot notes, wait for a pause, ask clarifying questions instead of jumping in with solutions.

5. REINFORCE Follow up. Answer questions. Check on progress. Acknowledge improvement when you see it.

Don't give feedback and ghost—that's just criticism with extra steps.

Example: Two weeks later with Sarah: "I noticed the last two deliverables came in on time—nice work. How's the new planning approach working for you?"

Example: Next team meeting with Jake: If he's doing better, a quick "Good facilitation in there—everyone got heard" goes a long way.

The Bottom Line

Giving feedback well is what separates managers from leaders. Managers avoid it or do it badly. Leaders use it to build stronger, more capable teams.

And when you do it right? It's not awkward at all. It's just good leadership.

Put a comment below to let me know how this process worked for you.