Stop Getting in Your Own Way: How Self-Sabotage Creeps Into Leadership

You’re smart, capable, and probably the go-to person when things need to get done.

But sometimes… you stall. You tweak instead of act. You overthink. You avoid. You procrastinate.

 And deep down, you know it’s not about the task, it’s about you.

Self-sabotage is one of the sneakiest ways strong leaders get in their own way. It doesn’t always show up as failure. It shows up as delay, distraction, perfectionism, or staying too busy to deal with the real issue.

In this post, we’re unpacking what self-sabotage looks like in leadership and how to stop it before it slows you (and your team) down.

🔍 What Self-Sabotage Looks Like in Leadership

It doesn’t always look like blowing a deadline or freezing in front of your team. Sometimes it’s quieter.

You say yes when you meant no. You hold back the feedback that needs to be said. You tweak the slide deck one more time instead of hitting send.

It feels like you’re being thoughtful. Strategic. Careful. But really, you might be stalling.

Self-sabotage in leadership often masquerades as “being a good manager.” But when you look closer, it’s really about avoiding risk, or protecting your sense of self.

Some common ways it shows up:

• Procrastinating on key decisions, hoping clarity will magically arrive

• Overpreparing instead of executing (perfectionism in a power suit)

• Micromanaging to maintain control instead of developing your team

• Saying yes to everything to avoid disappointing others—and then burning out

• Undermining your authority by hedging, apologizing, or downplaying your ideas

The impact? You feel frustrated with yourself. Your team feels unclear. And the work slows down—not because you’re not capable, but because you’re getting in your own way.

Reflection:

Where are you hesitating, overworking, or holding back in a way that looks helpful, but might actually be fear in disguise?

🧠 Why We Self-Sabotage (and What’s Really Going On)

You’re not lazy. You’re not unmotivated. But you are human.

And when something feels uncertain, high-stakes, or emotionally risky, your brain will try to protect you—even if it costs you progress.

Self-sabotage is rarely about the task. It’s about what the task represents. A stretch. A spotlight. A potential mistake. And so we start building little walls that feel like logic, but are really just fear in disguise.

What might be underneath:

• Fear of failure: If I hold back a little, I can’t fail completely.

• Fear of success: What if I pull it off and now the bar is higher forever?

• Imposter syndrome: What if they realize I’m just figuring this out as I go?

• Need for control: If I let go, something might go wrong—and I’ll take the hit.

These mental traps don’t mean you’re unqualified. They mean you’re human, and maybe due for a reset in how you relate to uncertainty and risk.

Reflection:

What fear might be underneath the behavior that’s holding you back?

And what belief is keeping that fear alive?

🛑 Common Self-Sabotage Behaviors (Especially in Managers)

It’s 6:30 p.m., and you’re still reworking a presentation you already fixed. Or maybe you’ve been “prepping” for a hard conversation for weeks… but somehow it keeps slipping down the list.

These aren’t time management issues. They’re identity management issues.

For mid-level managers juggling competing demands, self-sabotage often looks deceptively productive:

• Avoiding difficult conversations to “keep the peace”

• Overanalyzing instead of acting—version 12.4 of a plan you’ll never execute

• Deflecting praise or minimizing your wins

• Picking unnecessary battles to regain a sense of control

• Refusing help because you “should” be able to handle it

These patterns are often tied to internal narratives—stories about how leaders are supposed to behave, or what you think people expect from you.

Reflection:

Which of these patterns shows up for you most often?

And what belief might be driving it beneath the surface?

💥 The Impact on Teams and Culture

You might think, “It’s just a personal thing—I’ll work it out.”

But leadership behavior always ripples outward.

When you self-sabotage, it doesn’t stay quiet. It shapes how your team sees you, how they work, and how they feel about the environment you’re creating.

Here’s how it shows up:

• Hesitation creates confusion. When you delay, your team second-guesses.

• Avoidance creates anxiety. When you hold back feedback, issues fester.

• Micromanagement erodes trust. When you don’t delegate, your team disengages.

• Over-functioning sets unsustainable norms. When you carry it all, others stop stepping up.

The culture you create reflects your comfort zone. That’s not criticism—it’s opportunity.

Reflection:

What might your team be picking up from you, without you even realizing it?

🧭 How to Spot It (Self-Awareness Tools)

You don’t have to catch it every time. But catching it sooner? That’s a game-changer.

Most self-sabotage isn’t loud. It shows up in subtle ways that get brushed off as being busy, being careful, or being thorough.

Here are some ways to catch it:

• Ask yourself:

• What am I avoiding right now?

• What emotion comes up when I think about doing it?

• What would happen if I moved forward today?

• Notice the patterns:

• What types of tasks drain you?

• When do you feel a sudden urge to “redo” something already done?

If you’ve taken DiSC or another style assessment, revisit your stress profile:

• High C? Watch for over-detailing and analysis paralysis.

• High S? Conflict avoidance may be keeping you from clarity.

• High D? Acting fast to avoid vulnerability can be a different kind of sabotage.

Reflection:

If you had to name one go-to self-sabotage move, what would it be?

🚀 What to Do Instead (Small Shifts That Work)

The solution isn’t to “try harder.” It’s to notice, interrupt, and move differently.

Here are some go-to strategies that don’t require overhauling your whole leadership style:

• Name the fear. Get it out of your head and into the light.

• Shrink the task. Just one next step. That’s all.

• Create a micro-deadline. Not for the whole thing—just the next move.

• Loop someone in. Support kills shame. So does laughter.

• Focus on value, not perfection. Ask: Does this move the work forward?

Progress doesn’t come from crushing every fear. It comes from acting while the fear is still there.

Reflection:

What’s the smallest, boldest step you could take today?

✍️ Your Leadership Isn’t Defined by Sabotage. It’s Shaped by What You Do Next.

Every leader stalls sometimes. Every manager overthinks or avoids or tries to control outcomes that can’t be controlled.

The question isn’t “Do I self-sabotage?”

It’s “When I notice it, what do I do next?”

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to get curious, get honest, and take one step forward.

The more you practice interrupting the pattern, the less power it has over your leadership.

Try this:

Name one area this week where you’re getting in your own way.

Then commit to one step to move forward—even if it’s messy, awkward, or a little scary.

You’ve got this.

“Be careful how you are talking to yourself, because you are listening.” Lisa M Hayes