How to Strengthen Your Skills in Working with Difficult People
So you have that person in your office.
You know the one—
The person who pushes your buttons or challenges every single idea.
The one who slows down the meeting to ask “just one more question,” or who always takes the opposite stance… just because.
We all have them.
And whether it’s one interaction or an ongoing battle, you’re not imagining it: these situations are exhausting.
So what can you do?
Here’s the short answer:
If you want to get better at dealing with difficult people, you’ve got to strengthen two things:
How you manage yourself in those moments
How you choose to engage with the other person
Let’s start with you.
Step One: Manage Yourself First
It’s hard to stay calm, clear, and confident when someone’s behavior is frustrating—or triggering.
That’s where emotional intelligence (EQ) comes in. It’s not just about staying “professional” or biting your tongue. It’s about developing the tools to regulate your response, so you’re leading the moment (instead of being pulled into it).
Here’s a quick breakdown of the four EQ areas and how they help:
🧠 Self-Awareness
Noticing your emotional state in the moment
Recognizing your triggers
Being aware of how others affect your emotions
🔐 Self-Management
Keeping your emotions in check (especially the unhelpful ones)
Acting in line with your values
Staying flexible when things don’t go your way
Pushing forward despite setbacks
👂 Social Awareness
Reading the room
Really hearing what the other person is saying (not just the words)
Caring about how others feel—even if you disagree
Showing empathy when it matters most
🤝 Relationship Management
Getting along with a wide range of people
Handling conflict without escalating it
Expressing your ideas clearly
Managing interactions effectively using empathy
Real Talk: EQ in Action
Let me give you an example. This kind of shift happens all the time—especially when someone starts building their EQ skills.
Before & After Story: When EQ Changed the Dynamic
Sarah walked into the meeting already annoyed.
It was the third time this month her coworker had pushed back—loudly—on her project timeline. He always had a comment, a counterpoint, a “what if” that slowed everything down. She’d tried being polite. Then assertive. Then, honestly, just distant. Nothing worked.
“I don’t know what his problem is,” she told me during a coaching session. “It’s like he’s just trying to make things harder.”
So we took a breath, stepped back, and looked at it through an EQ lens.
What was she feeling in those moments? Frustrated? Sure. But underneath that? Disrespected. Undermined. Like she wasn’t being heard.
Once she named those emotions, it became a lot easier to respond instead of react.
She started practicing a few key EQ tools:
Noticing the physical signs of frustration before speaking
Using a neutral tone even when she felt challenged
Shifting her internal story from “He’s being difficult” to “He has a different way of thinking—and maybe some valid concerns”
And responding with calm phrases like,
“Let’s work through that together,” or “That’s a helpful point. Here’s what I’m seeing…”
Did it fix the relationship overnight? No. He’s still not her favorite person on the team.
But here’s what changed: she stopped dreading the interactions.
Meetings got easier. The tension dropped. And she felt more in control—even when things got uncomfortable.
And that’s the power of emotional intelligence.
You don’t need to wait for the other person to change. You start with you—and that shifts everything.
Step Two: Deal with Them (Productively)
Once you’ve got yourself in check, you can be more intentional about how you engage with the other person.
There are dozens of skills you can use, but you don’t need to master them all at once.
Pick a few that feel doable—and a few that feel necessary.
🧰 Tools That Actually Work
Here’s a starting list of strategies you can use when dealing with difficult people:
Communication
Listen actively
Stay calm
Avoid defensiveness
Focus on facts, not assumptions
Be clear about the issue
Don’t take it personally
Boundaries
Set clear limits (politely but firmly)
Know when to pause or walk away
Manage your environment when possible
Stay in control of your tone and body language
Relationship Management
Treat others with respect—even when frustrated
Lead with empathy
Build rapport (when possible)
Focus on specifics, not character
Use conflict resolution skills
Behavioral Reminders
Don’t gossip or vent to the wrong people
Don’t judge—stay curious
Talk to the person, not about them
Focus on shared goals, not differences
Your Next Step: Build Your Toolkit
This isn’t about becoming the office therapist or letting people walk all over you.
It’s about leading the conversation.
Owning your presence.
And choosing how you want to show up when things get hard.
🧩 Start here:
Choose 1–2 skills from the list that you’re already good at
Choose 2–3 that you want to work on
Use them intentionally over the next couple of weeks
Talk to your manager or coach for support
You can’t and won’t be able to “fix” the difficult person. You just need a better game plan for dealing with them.
🎁 Free Download: Your Difficult People Toolkit
Grab this printable checklist to help you identify your strengths and pick your next 2–3 skills to work on. It’s quick, visual, and easy to reference before (or after) that next tough meeting.
👉 Download the Checklist (PDF)
Final Thought
Some people are hard to work with. But sometimes, what we call “difficult” is really just “different.” Keep in mind, you don’t know what they are going through or their mindset, so with a little strategy and self-awareness, those differences don’t have to derail your day.
